…Now for some time past I have had a very busy time, which has rendered me happy in that respect, having, I hope, some prospect of the world’s once more smiling on me. But, oh! how is my pleasure palled by the scurrilous treatment I have this morning received from my wife, and to the best of my knowledge without any the least provocation. Oh, how unhappy is that life that is continually perplexed with domestic disquietudes and matrimonial discord!
How fleeting does all worldly happiness appear to me now. I, who was last night all serenity and calmness in my breast, am now almost depressed with trouble (trough to my unspeakable comfort I can say, not with passion.) What I can do I know not, for it is impossible for my trade to be carried on to advantage amidst such trouble. For I must act in all respects to the will of my wife, or otherwise have I such a clamor. I should never care how hard I worked, nor even how coarse soever my fare, could I live but happy with that person whom I have chosen for a partner during life. And what is still the bitterest misfortune of all is that I am desirous of leading such a life here upon earth that I may through the mercies and merits of our blessed Savior ever live a life of eternity in heaven, which such disturbances can no ways be consistent with. No, they quite discompose and distract my thoughts and almost drive me to despair. For almost those five years past, nay, even from the very day of marriage have I had such distracting tumults at very short intervals of time. Not that I would be thought to charge them all upon my wife, for doubtless, as I am mortal, I am also liable to human frailties and have often, too too often acted very indiscreet. I have oftentimes thought time and patience could put an end to all the discords subsisting between us as they have arisen chiefly from an unhappy temper, but now I despond of their ever ceasing till death, or at least till a separation, the thought of which strikes me to the heart and makes me almost fit for bedlam. Oh, what disturbances has my unhappy marriage made among my friends! I am become a stranger unto my brethren and an alien unto my mother’s children. “O God, thou knowest my foolishness and my sins are not hid from thee. Hide not thy face from thy servant, for I am in trouble. Hear me, 0 Lord, for thy loving kindness is good; turn unto me according to thy tender mercies.”
We dined on some potatoes and bread. Paid Goldsmith’s carter 6/- for 2 dozen of dairy brushes he bought of Mr John Wilbar in Lewes for me today. At home all day and busy. Read part of The Peerage of England.