Myself and brother at church in the morning… Joseph Burgess dined with me on part of a calf’s head boiled, a piece of bacon and greens.
After dinner I set out for [South] Malling to pay Molly Hicks my intended wife a visit, with whom I intended to have gone to church. But there was no afternoon service there (My brother and servant at church in the afternoon). I spent the afternoon with a great deal of pleasure, it being very fine pleasant weather and my companion very agreeable. I drank tea with her and came home about 9:30. Spent today 8d: viz., turnpike 2d and the servant 6d.
Now perhaps there may be many reports abroad in the world of my present intentions, some likely condemning, other approving my choice. But as the world cannot judge the secret intentions of my mind and I may therefore be censured for want of knowing the true motives of my proceedings, I will take the trouble to relate what are really and truly my intentions and the only motive from which they spring (which may be some satisfaction to those who may happen to peruse my memoirs). To do the first I shall begin with the latter, as thinking it most necessary. As to the motives which spur me on to think of marriage, first I think it is a state agreeable to nature, reason and religion and in some manner the indispensable duty of Christians. For I think it the duty of every Christian to serve God and perform his religious services in the most calm, serene and composed manner, which if it can be performed more so in a married state then in a single one, it must then be an indispensable duty.
Now as to my own present situation, my house is not at all regular, neither is there any family devotion performed in that serious manner as formerly in my wife’s time, nor have I one friend in the world; that is, I have not anyone whom I can thoroughly rely upon or confide in. Neither have I anyone to trust to trust the management of my affairs to that I can be assured in their management will be sustained no loss. I have not one agreeable companion to soften and alleviate the misfortunes incident to human nature.
As to my choice I have only this to say: the girl I believe as far as I can discover is a very industrious, sober woman and seemingly endued with prudence and good nature, and seems to have a very serious and sedate turn of mind. She comes of reputable parents and may perhaps one time or other have some fortune. As to her person I know as plain (is my own), but she is cleanly in her person and dress (which I will say is something more than at first sight it may appear to be towards happiness). She is I think a well-made woman. As to her education, I own it is not liberal, neither do I think it equals my own, but she has good sense and a seeming desire to improve her mind, and, I must in justice say, has always behaved to me with the strictest honor and good manners, her behavior being far from the affected formality of the prude, nor on the, other hand anything of that foolish fondness too often found intend the more light part of the sex. Now for my real intentions; it is that of marriage and of the strictest honor, having nothing else in view but to live in a more sober and regular manner, and to be better able to perform my duty to God and man in a more suitable and truly religious manner, and with the grace of the Supreme Being to live happy and in a sincere union with the partner of my boson.