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Myself and servant at church in the morning… I dined on half a calf’s head boiled, a piece of pork, a plain rice pudding, cabbage and carrots. Myself and servant at church in the afternoon…

In the afternoon Mrs Coates’s maid drank tea with me. This! this is the girl that the world proclaims is to be my wife. But oh, ‘tis an egregious mistake, a thing that yet has never entered my thoughts. Nor did I ever give the girl the least reason to think of any such thing, for I am sure I have not kissed her, except once, since Whitmonday. But during the time I lived in Lewes she and I, being almost next-door neighbors, were very intimate, but then there was nought of love. And now she coming to live at Mr Coates’s at Lady Day, and as there is some alteration in the state I move in now and then; that is, I was then only a servant, I think that was I not to take the same notice and use her with as much civility as I did then, I should be guilty of a great deal of pride and ignorance and show a great deal of folly. This, this is the reason and the only one that induces me to take notice of her (that is, I mean there is no love between us), though I greatly regard the girl as an old acquaintance and very sincerely wish her an uninterrupted state of happiness. And were it in my power to serve her in anything that might tend to her advantage, I would very gladly and cheerfully do it (but still no love affair, no amour a-going on).

My good neighbors, I have not taken up a vow of celibacy, but I am in no hurry. Love yet has made no impression on my mind since I lost the only women that I imagine I shall ever love, or at least that I ever shall love with that energy and sincerity I did her.

After Pat went away, Mr Tipper, Thomas Durrant and myself took a walk for some air.
 

Paid Joseph Fuller Jr 7d for half a calf’s head bought of him today. I dined on part of a leg of lamb boiled and carrots… At home all day and very little to do. In the evening read one of Yorick’s and one of Delany’s sermons, both of which I think very fine ones.

…My brother came over in the afternoon, but did not stay. I received of him in cash 2.19.7 in full for a parcel of ribbons he bought of me today. Paid Ben Shelley in cash 10.14.0 in full for the same sum he paid in London for me this week… One of Mr Porter’s servants drank tea with me. At home all day.

…I dined on part of a leg of lamb roasted. At home all day. In the evening went into Joseph Durrant’s, where I signed and sealed two bonds as security for the behavior etc. of Thomas Durrant and Thomas Davy, both employed as hop-assistants. The obligation was for two hundred pounds each bond, and my partner, the other obliger, was Joseph Durrant. The witnesses: Thomas Pepper, supervisor of excise, and Thomas Tipper, officer of excise.

I spent the evening at Master Durrant’s and came home about 10:20 very sober. Thomas Durrant lodged with me. Rec’d today of Mr Thomas Swaine by the payment of Richard Bridgman in cash 2.14.0 in full for the same sum assessed on him for lands in this parish by a poor rate made the 9th ult.

I dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner with the addition of some pear pie. Mr Elless called on me in the forenoon, but did not stay. At home all day and really very little to do.

James Fuller dined with me on a chick boiled, a piece meat of bacon and some cabbage. Mr Coates’s maid (who the clamors of the world–but without any, even the most distant, truth–called my sweet heart), the two Miss Porters and their servant drank tea with me. At home all day and not very busy… Mr Tipper and Thomas Durrant sat with me some time in the evening. Rec’d from Mr Plumer by Page’s wagon 13 sacks salt.
 

In the forenoon my brother came over and stayed and dined with me on a piece of beef boiled, a raisin suet pudding and some carrots. At home all day. In the evening wrote my London letters.

After breakfast I set out for a place called Winfield Stocks in order to meet my late servant Sarah Weller, agreeable to an appointment previously made, where we both arrived about 10 o’clock. I stayed and talked with her about two hours and came for home where I arrived about 2:20. My servant dined at home on the remains of yesterday’s dinner, and as for myself, I ate not any dinner…

How should those minutes of my journey ever come to any person’s eye, or should my journey come to be known publicly to the world (that I took upon me such a journey, and for no other reason than purely to see an old servant), why I doubt not but they will very readily conclude she was his sweetheart, or if not so favourably disposed in their censure, perhaps the sagacious eye of scandal may see in it something worse. But however, they will be wrong for once in both conjectures. For I can with most sincerest truth assure them it was neither, but as my servant had not received so good usage from her uncle, whom to oblige and serve, as she thought, she left my service, therefore in a letter I received from her since she left my service, she begged I would so far condescend as to come to Catsfield. Which I, not approving of, appointed this place. For as she was destitute of any friends to consult or advise with, she sent to me and now begged she might come to my service again in the spring if I was not provided with a servant before that time.

Now pray let me ask what harm or courting is there in all this? Why, if I may truly speak, just none at all. But now I am endeavoring to vindicate my character from any aspersions that the malevolent tongue of envy or ill-will may strive to blacken it with (as I have had demonstration they were not wanting in their best endeavors that way). I positively declare I have not, since that fatal day which deprived me of all, all this earth can ever give to make me happy (I mean that melancholy day which took from me my wife), ever once made my addresses to any one of the fair sex. No! I have not, not-withstanding the busy world have made it their business to proclaim the contrary–and that with some vehemence of clamor, for such only it really was. Not that I have taken up any resolution to celibacy, for I can with truth declare marriage to be the only state that I found any happiness in and at the same time assert I hardly think I have had one minute’s peace of mind since I have been a widower, if I have been sober and in the calm possession of my reasoning faculty. But as to what liberty the world takes with my fame, I think it not worth my notice so long as my conscience does not join in declaring their censures are just. Therefore let the vain and giddy world talk on as freely as they please of me, and I hope to have grace not to merit anything odious enough to hurt my mind; and if not, I shall think myself no ways the worse for their censure, neither shall I think all their clamor worthy my notice, but permit them to talk on till they are tired, which perhaps it may be said will never be. Why then even let them talk on ad infinitum.

Myself and servant at church in the afternoon… After I had drunk tea, Mr Tipper, Thomas Durrant and myself took a walk for air.
 
 

…At home all day, but not very busy. A melancholy time for trade and money extreme scarce. Mr Tipper and Thomas Durrant sat with me a while in the evening.

Mr Robert Atkinson, rider to Messrs Kendell and Rushton, called on me and dined with me on a chick pudding and the remains of yesterday’s dinner. In the evening, nay, all the day extreme low. I went to Joseph Durrant’s and smoked a pipe with Thomas Durrant. At home all the day and really very little to do. I think my spirits are so sunk with grief and trouble that I start alarmed at what may be the ill consequence… [26 words omitted].