Saturday, March 11 1758

Paid Joseph Fuller 3/7½ in full for 1 leg of veal, 12½ lbs received today. Paid Ben Shelley 2/- in full for 1 salt fish he bought in London for me. At home all day, very piteous… Read part of the London Magazine for February. Merry nights produce heavy days. Oh, what is more sharp than the bitter and tormenting stings of a conscience which is conscious to itself having acted wrong, not only against the rules of decorum (which getting drunk certainly is), but also against the most holy laws of God. Oh! how little do we, and especially myself, deserve the name of Christians! For it is too too plain, if I judge it right, that it must consist in nought but the name when our actions differ so far from it. Oh, the very thought of it is intolerable–to think that through fear of anger and being stigmatized with the name of being singular and a poor conceited particular wretch, one must be guilty of enough to forever plunge ourselves into that lake which ever burneth, and into that fire which shall never be quenched. For without holiness no men shall see the Lord.

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