Thursday, December 24 1761

…At home all day and not very busy. How melancholy a time I have, not that I would be thought anyways to murmur at the wise distributions of providence; no, far from it…[15 words omitted]…I doubt not if I were to look around me upon the rest of mankind, I might see many more wretched than myself, and that I enjoy many blessings denied to a great number of my fellow creatures, and if not, I can with propriety say I enjoy more than I deserve; but still, as I am fearful my trade does not answer, and am at a loss to get into any other branch (nor do I think my capacity equal to carry on a great trade), how can I help being uneasy, and more particularly as I have not a friend to whom I can entrust the management of my affairs to, so that when I am from home my affairs suffer at home, and when I am at home my affairs are neglected abroad, for wanting seeing after; so that I have as it were a curb put upon any industry I might exert myself with.

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