Myself and servant at church in the morning… I dined on half a calf’s head boiled, a piece of pork, a plain rice pudding, cabbage and carrots. Myself and servant at church in the afternoon…
In the afternoon Mrs Coates’s maid drank tea with me. This! this is the girl that the world proclaims is to be my wife. But oh, ‘tis an egregious mistake, a thing that yet has never entered my thoughts. Nor did I ever give the girl the least reason to think of any such thing, for I am sure I have not kissed her, except once, since Whitmonday. But during the time I lived in Lewes she and I, being almost next-door neighbors, were very intimate, but then there was nought of love. And now she coming to live at Mr Coates’s at Lady Day, and as there is some alteration in the state I move in now and then; that is, I was then only a servant, I think that was I not to take the same notice and use her with as much civility as I did then, I should be guilty of a great deal of pride and ignorance and show a great deal of folly. This, this is the reason and the only one that induces me to take notice of her (that is, I mean there is no love between us), though I greatly regard the girl as an old acquaintance and very sincerely wish her an uninterrupted state of happiness. And were it in my power to serve her in anything that might tend to her advantage, I would very gladly and cheerfully do it (but still no love affair, no amour a-going on).
My good neighbors, I have not taken up a vow of celibacy, but I am in no hurry. Love yet has made no impression on my mind since I lost the only women that I imagine I shall ever love, or at least that I ever shall love with that energy and sincerity I did her.
After Pat went away, Mr Tipper, Thomas Durrant and myself took a walk for some air.