Paid Mr John French 8/3 in full on account of the widow Vallow to this day. Paid Mr John Jenner, hatter at Hailsham (by his son Stephen), in cash 2.11.6 in full for the balance of my account. I dined on a beef pudding and potatoes and parsnips. After dinner in company with Sam Jenner took a walk to Lewes. I called upon Mr Burtenshaw and Mr Robert Chester, of whom I took up my note of hand which I gave him the 24th Oct., 1764 for to deliver to him a clock I then received of him, which I have since delivered to Mr William Peters at Waldron, the person to whom Mr Chester sold the clock.
I called on Mr Plumer and received of him in cash 1.4.6 in full… Left with Mr John Madgwick 10/- in order for him to pay Mr Richard Read in full on my brother Richard’s account. Came home about 10:10. Spent today 9d. A very pleasant day, the frost seemingly a-going off. Paid Mr Madgwick 1/8 for 2 nails velvet bought of him today.
Oh, how do I lament and mourn inwardly my present irregularity of life! And which way to prevent it I know not. I have I dare say no friend in the world that I could confide in with the firm assurance of fidelity. And upon the whole I may with the most strictest truth say I know not what it has been to have one minute’s true pleasure since I lost my wife. For when I am in possession of my reason, I am always reflecting upon the pleasure I then enjoyed in a calm, sedate and regular course of life. Everything was serene, and home of all places was the most delightful and pleasant, particularly so if no one but my wife and self together. But now, alas! I am all tempest and storm within.