Thomas Turner

Paid Joseph Fuller by his son Richard 2/7½ in full for 1 shoulder of veal received by him today, weighing 10½ lbs at 3d per pound. Paid Robert Hook the 5/6 my wife had of him the 26th instant. Also gave him 2/- for his brother Jenner, which money I think I owe to Francis Smith. We dined on a part of a shoulder of veal roasted in Marchant’s oven with a batter pudding under it. In the day read part of The Peerage of England. At home all day. In the evening read part of Wake’s Catechism. Remarkable cold weather for the season of the year.

…We dined on a raisin batter pudding… At home all day. In the evening read part of The Peerage of England. Thomas Davy at our house.

My brother stayed and dined with us on a baked rice pudding and after dinner went away for Lewes. Paid Mrs Weller by her daughter Fanny £4 in full for one year’s interest for £100 on bond due the 5th instant. Paid Mr William Goldsmith in cash and goods 0.13.9 in full for carriage of goods from Lewes from the 26th November to the 21st April, both days inclusive. Joseph Fuller and he stayed and smoked a pipe with me. At home all day. Read part of The Peerage of England. Oh, the torment of a guilty conscience! But how I do hope I shall yet, through the grace of Almighty God, have strength to resist any such temptations for the future…

[40 words omitted].

About 9:20 Halland gardener called on me in order to go to our club feast at Mayfield, and, we accordingly both set out together. We arrived about 11:20. I called and stayed a while with Mrs Day and dined at the Star on 2 pieces of roast beef, 1 piece of boiled, a fillet of veal roasted and plum puddings, in company with near 40 or more.

We stayed till about 6:20 when I came home very safe, but very much in liquor about 8:20. Oh, how does the thought of it torment my poor distracted conscience. Sure I am possessed with some demon that I must be so stupid! But what can I do? I cannot undo what I have too often done; no, I cannot, put this I will do: never to be guilty of the like again. In my absence my brother came over and stayed with my wife… My wife in my absence borrowed of Robert Hook in way of change 5/6.

…Dame Eason of Laughton and Susan Float breakfasted with us. We dined on a piece of a neck of veal roasted. Gave a woman with a pass, on the parish account, 6d. At home all day. Read part of The Peerage of England.

Paid Francis Smith in cash 2/6 in full on account of Mrs Day at Mayfield… In the evening went down to the vestry where there was Mr Porter, Mr Piper, Joseph Durrant, Thomas Fuller, Mr French and myself. We spent 6½d each and came home sober about 10:20 after a great deal of wrangling. This day gave Mr Elless orders for to take Dallaway’s son to school, and I would pay for his schooling. In the day read part of The Peerage of England. A very sharp, windy day.

No service at our church in the morning on account that Mr Porter preached at Ripe. Took physic today. We dined on the scrag end of a neck veal boiled and butter and parsley. My whole family at church this afternoon; viz., my wife, self and nephew. We had a sermon preached by the Rev Mr Chalice, curate of Ripe, go from the words of the [7th] verse of the 139th Psalm: “Whither shall I for from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?” Mrs Atkins, Mrs Hicks, Mrs Brook and Sukey Comber drank tea at our house. In the evening Thomas Davy sat with us a while. In the evening and in the day read part of Wake’s Catechism and Sherlock on judgment. A very high wind all day. Notice given of a public vestry tomorrow at Jones’s.

Rec’d by John Streeter a receipt from Mr Thomas Awcock… Paid Joseph Fuller by his son Richard 20d in full for a neck veal of 5¾ lbs at 3½d per lb received by him today. We dined on a light pudding and turnip greens… At home all day and busy…

…Now for some time past I have had a very busy time, which has rendered me happy in that respect, having, I hope, some prospect of the world’s once more smiling on me. But, oh! how is my pleasure palled by the scurrilous treatment I have this morning received from my wife, and to the best of my knowledge without any the least provocation. Oh, how unhappy is that life that is continually perplexed with domestic disquietudes and matrimonial discord!

How fleeting does all worldly happiness appear to me now. I, who was last night all serenity and calmness in my breast, am now almost depressed with trouble (trough to my unspeakable comfort I can say, not with passion.) What I can do I know not, for it is impossible for my trade to be carried on to advantage amidst such trouble. For I must act in all respects to the will of my wife, or otherwise have I such a clamor. I should never care how hard I worked, nor even how coarse soever my fare, could I live but happy with that person whom I have chosen for a partner during life. And what is still the bitterest misfortune of all is that I am desirous of leading such a life here upon earth that I may through the mercies and merits of our blessed Savior ever live a life of eternity in heaven, which such disturbances can no ways be consistent with. No, they quite discompose and distract my thoughts and almost drive me to despair. For almost those five years past, nay, even from the very day of marriage have I had such distracting tumults at very short intervals of time. Not that I would be thought to charge them all upon my wife, for doubtless, as I am mortal, I am also liable to human frailties and have often, too too often acted very indiscreet. I have oftentimes thought time and patience could put an end to all the discords subsisting between us as they have arisen chiefly from an unhappy temper, but now I despond of their ever ceasing till death, or at least till a separation, the thought of which strikes me to the heart and makes me almost fit for bedlam. Oh, what disturbances has my unhappy marriage made among my friends! I am become a stranger unto my brethren and an alien unto my mother’s children. “O God, thou knowest my foolishness and my sins are not hid from thee. Hide not thy face from thy servant, for I am in trouble. Hear me, 0 Lord, for thy loving kindness is good; turn unto me according to thy tender mercies.”

We dined on some potatoes and bread. Paid Goldsmith’s carter 6/- for 2 dozen of dairy brushes he bought of Mr John Wilbar in Lewes for me today. At home all day and busy. Read part of The Peerage of England.

Sent by John Streeter the post to Mr Thomas Awcock… 6.15.0 in full for one year’s rent due from Sam Elphick Jr (to Mr Awcock) at old Lady Day last past for his land in Framfield:

In cash the 17th instant	2.0.0
By land tax	1.8.0
Do. quit rent	0.2.8
Do. a bill of repairs	0.3.0
In cash today	3.1.4

Dame Dallaway at work at our house half the day. She dined with us on the remains of yesterday’s dinner with the addition of a currant pond pudding. Very busy all day. In the day read part of the 2nd volume of The Peerage of England. Paid Dame Dallaway 20d for 2½ days’ work. At home all day. In the evening read part of Wake’s Catechism. N.B.: I have not received back by Streeter any receipt for the money I sent by him today.