Tag: marital argument

In the morning I wrote to Mr Russell of Godstone (for Mr James Hutson) to acquaint him that he has about 100 carp that will meet at 14 inches, and 100 that will meet at 16 inches…

My wife went down to Mrs Atkins’s about 5 o’clock. Oh, what have I here to say– the old story again repeated–more words again between me and my wife! Sure it is a most terrible and unhappy circumstance we cannot live agreeable together. Where the fault is I cannot be a competent judge, for as I am a party concerned, prejudice in my own favor may make me partial. But this I know, that my whole desire and aim is to make my wife, self and progeny happy. I am further assured that I ever had, and now have a boundless respect for her; therefore what can be the occasion of so many words I am at loss to say. I can only say this, she is a woman, but why, if she be, must we be forever unhappy? Oh! could I think of an expedient to prevent it and make us happy! For it is impossible for pen or painter to express or draw so unhappy a representation as it is to live in a continual scene of disquietude with one that is so infinitely dear to me. But oh, let me drop a subject that is too tender for me to touch any longer! But, why, let me recall the resolution of a man and proceed–a man, did I say? Oh, how the sound of that word makes me start! I know not scarce what I am! All that I know is I am happy in having that person, who of all the sex I ever had the greatest respect for–my wife. But again how unhappy to have that only one in whom all my earthly felicity was centered to be of such an unhappy temper as not only to make me, but herself also miserable. How delightful and serene was it once to look forward and to think, “Such a day will all my earthly trouble be at an end and be crowned with a following scene of happiness and pleasure by being made one with the charmer of my soul!” But from that day may I date the era of my trouble.

“For her I’ve lost, alas, what have I not, For her my duty to my friends forgot.”

But why do I accuse her? Maybe it is I am all in fault. It cannot be she; can the wife of my bosom be this person? No! She must be, she is all charms, and I am the ungrateful man.

Dame Vinal a-washing for us today. Paid her 9d for the half-day yesterday and today. Master Piper came in about 7 o’clock and stayed until about 9 o’clock; so on that account I could not go down to Mrs Atkins’s, it being too late at that time of night. My wife came home about 1 o’clock. She gave the maid 12d and won at cards 2d.

This day rec’d of Master Piper 1 peck of oats. Samuel Slater stayed all day. Rec’d a letter from Mr James Hodges, wherein he sends to me for money which has been paid these 20 months.

This day my wife and I had a great many words, but for what reason I cannot recount, though doubtless if we could be proper judges of our own actions we should find that we are both but too much to blame and possibly should find all our differences to arise from so trivial a cause that we both might have cause to blush. But oh! was marriage ever designed to make mankind unhappy? No! unless by their own choice. It’s made so by both parties being not satisfied with each other’s merit. But sure this cannot be my own affair, for I married, if I know my own mind, with nothing in view but entirely to make my wife and self happy and to live in a course of virtue and religion and to be a mutual help and assistance to each other, I was neither instigated to marry by avarice, ambition, nor lust. No, nor was I prompted to it by anything; only the pure and desirable sake of friendship. Sure, many of my actions must be convincing proofs of love and friendship (to one who once I hoped to be ever dear to); though other of my actions may doubtless in the eye of the world render me not so, but if in my worst actions were the motives traced up to their first origin I doubt not but my sincere love and friendship would there appear in still more stronger lights. Oh, what am I a-going to say I have done? I have almost made as it were a resolution to make a separation, I mean by settling my affairs and parting in friendship, out is this that for what I married? Oh, how are my views frustrated from the prospect of a happy and quiet life to the enjoyment of one that is quite the opposite! Oh, were I but endued with the patience of Socrates; then might I be happy, but as I am not I will endeavor to pacify myself with the cheerful reflection that I am well assured I have done to my utmost to render our union happy, easy, good and comfortable to ourselves and progeny.