regret – Thomas Turner

Saturday, April 23 1757

After I came away from Dicker’s, I walked in the Broyle until near 5 o’clock when I got out of it and went to Thomas Cushman’s and lay down on their bed till about 10:25. I arose and breakfasted with them and came away home. I called at Mr Samuel Gibb’s and dined on a knuckle of veal, a piece of pork and greens, my family at home dining on the remains of Sunday’s and Tuesday’s dinners with the addition of some boiled tripe.

I came sober about 3:35, and may I once more implore the most high God to give me grace to strengthen my weak resolutions that I may never again be guilty of this detestable sin. Oh! how doth the repetition of it make, as it were, my blood chill in my veins! I am quite distracted with anger at my own folly, but where can I run or go from the presence of a wounded conscience? But oh! may I once more strive never, no, never to be guilty of this vice! I think, as I find my brains so weak, I will never drink anything stronger than small beer or water. In the afternoon Mrs Fuller and her two daughters drank tea with us. I spent this journey, as near as I can recollect, about 4/6. Oh, cruel is my misfortune (that I cannot bear the least matter of liquor, that is).

Thursday, February 10 1757

…(A sad unpleasant day. Oh! the reflection on yesterday intolerable. Well I am determined never to drink anything strong).

Mr Elless spent the evening with us and read to us two of Torriano’s sermons. The above-mentioned Torriano is curate of Hooe and Minfield, has been in the linen drapery, and also has been clerk to some company, and is now a physician and divine.

Wednesday, February 9 1757

In the morning about 8:40 I went down to Whyly and called Mr French and Thomas Tester (who was there at work), and we proceeded on our journey to Uckfield. As we went, we called at my mother’s and stayed about 30 minutes. When we came to Mr. Courthope’s, he gave so much credit to Mr French’s fallacy that poor Tester was almost like to be hanged for saying of nothing. But, however, Mr Courthope allowed him a grist more and then told us we should not be hard on him. But, however Mr French declared he should have no more on the parish account. We went with Mr Thornton to the Maiden Head where I paid 18 1/2d for what we spent. Mr Thornton offered to make up Savage’s affair with Tester on condition that the parish should pay at Easter the debt to Savage and 10/6 towards the expences. But we could not prevail on Mr French to do it.

As we came home, we called again at my mother’s but did not stay. Mr French and both being pretty much in liquor, we quarrelled very much, and the subject of our dispute was whether I should obey the justice’s orders in giving Tester another grist or not. But, however, we went into Mr French’s and drank a bottle of beer. I came home very much in liquor. Oh! what an unfortunate wretch I am that I can drink but 2 glasses of liquor before I am drunk when it is a thing I am sure I despise and do try as much as possible to avoid. Oh! may the ever abundant mercies of the divine goodness pardon this my weakness and imperfection and pour into my heart the grace of his Holy Spirit to strengthen my weak and frail resolutions that I may never be guilty of this vice, but may always live in a constant state of virtue, temperance, justice, humility and charity. All this I humbly beg for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.

My family today dined on the remains of Sunday’s and yesterday’s dinner and myself on nothing. John Vine’s man at work for us all day.