Thomas Turner

Sent Mr Francis Weller (by the post) at Mayfield 1 bill on Mr William Margesson…7.7.0, which with repairs and taxes outset is in full for 1 year’s rent [on the shop] due at Lady Day last (OS).

Mr Long dined with me on the remains of yesterday’s dinner, with some fried eels (given me yesterday by John Cayley). In the evening rode to Hartfield to see my wife, whom I found (poor creature) extremely ill. To describe my grief is beyond my power; therefore let a sincere and silent tear paint it in more lively colors to them that read this hereafter. In the afternoon my niece went over to Horsted and stayed all night.

In the morning rode to Uckfield and hired a post-chaise to bring my wife home in. I breakfasted there. We got back to Hartfield about 11:25, where we dined on some currant pond butter pudding… We then came away, my father Slater accompanying us on my horse. We got home thank God very safe about 5:40.

In the evening my wife was taken with an involuntary bleeding at the nose which continued near 2 hours and a half, and at times the whole night through (poor dear creature). What it is owing to I cannot tell, whether from my own unhappy temper or that of my friends and relations, but in this my day of trouble they seem to stand aloof and as it were staring at me like a stranger. Not one, no! not one that attempts to pour that healing balm of compassion into a heart wounded and torn to pieces with trouble. Whenever it shall please the Almighty to take from me the wife of my bosom, then shall I be like a beacon upon a rock, or en ensign on a hill, destitute of every sincere friend, and not a friendly companion left to comfort my afflicted mind and yield that pleasing comfort of consolation to a mind quite worn to the grave with trouble. Let me, oh! let me lift mv eyes and heart with sincerity to heaven for help, who alone is able to give relief. May I forever give glory to the Lord of heaven and earth in obeying the commands of his divine will in a life spent in true holiness and virtue.

My father Slater went home in the forenoon… At home all day. In the afternoon my brother Moses came over but did not stay. My wife extremely ill. In the evening wrote my London letters. Mrs Porter sat with us some time in the afternoon.

…We dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. In the afternoon my niece went away to Framfield in her road to Tunbridge Wells. My wife, poor creature, most extremely ill, nay even so ill that I think a few hours will be her last in this world.

We dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. Dame Durrant drank tea with us. At home all day.

This day Mr Porter administered the communion to my wife and self and servant, and as this in all human probability will be the last time we shall ever commemorate (together in this world) the death of our blessed Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ, so may the memory of it be a motive to spur me on through God’s grace to prepare for eternity (may that awful thought be the first in my mind).

Mr Porter and I balanced accounts with Mr Richard Stone and received of him 6.19.2 in full for interest due on a bond due to Will Piper deceased and John Piper, out of which said sum £4 is due to John Piper, excepting a bill for doctoring of 2/6 which we outset; the remainder of 2.19.2 I have in my own care, and I accordingly have sent John Piper by Thomas Bristow the £4 (including the bill of 2/6).

We dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. In the afternoon my friend and cousin Charles Hill came to see me and stayed with us all night. In the evening my brother Moses came to see me and stayed and supped with me. My wife, poor creature, so ill that I even think it beyond imagination to form an idea of her sufferings.

After breakfast my cousin Hill went away. Dame Durrant sat with my wife all day and dined with us on a piece of pork boiled, a gooseberry pudding and greens. Paid Mr Ben Shelley in cash £1 in full for the same sum he paid Mr John Bumstead in full on my account this week. I also received a receipt of him from Mr George Otway for the £10 I delivered to him the 16th instant.

Molly Fuller sat up with my wife, who is perhaps as bad as can be and alive. Oh, my trouble who can paint or describe?

Paid Mr Howard at Hartfield 8/- in full for ginger-bread and sweethearts received by him today… My brother came over in the evening and sat with me some time.

About 11:20 my wife was taken with a strong convulsive fit which lasted some time. Dame Durrant and Elizabeth Mepham sat up with my wife, and I lodged at Dame Durrant’s. Oh, my unhappy misfortune. I shall lose all that is desirable to me in this world; my only true and sincere friend, a treasure of more value than all the riches this world can afford, she has ever been a virtuous and discreet women and to me the best of wives.

My friend Mr Tucker and my father Slater came to see us in the forenoon and both dined with us on a piece of veal boiled, a piece of pork, a gooseberry pudding and spinach. They both went home in the evening.

Dame Durrant and Bett Mepham with my wife all day and also sat up with her all night, who is so sad that it is past description and we do not expect her to live from one minute to the other. Myself lay at Master Durrant’s.

My brother came over in the forenoon and he and Dame Durrant dined with us on part of neck of veal roasted and green salad. My brother stayed with me till about 4:10.

Dame Durrant and Bett Mepham with my wife all day, who is, poor creature, so extreme bad that should I think even drew tears from the most obdurate heart breathing to see her. Lucy Mepham sat up with my wife. I lodged in at Joseph Durrant’s.