Thomas Turner

About 1:50 it pleased Almighty god to take from me my beloved wife, who, poor creature, has labored under a severe though lingering illness for these 38 weeks past, which she bore with the greatest resignation to the divine will. In her I have lost a sincere friend and virtuous wife, a prudent and good economist in her family and a very valuable companion (and one endued with more than a common share of good sense).

I will once more say she was virtuous even in the most strictest sense of the word virtue: she was always decent in her apparel and remarkably sweet and cleanly in her person, and had by nature a cheerful though religious turn of mind. Therefore I have lost an invaluable blessing, a wife who, had it pleased God to have given her health, would have been of more real excellence to me then the greatest fortune this world can give.

Oh, may her agonizing pains and dying groans have such a constant impression on my mind that (through the assistance of God’s grace) I may ever have the thought of death in my mind, and that by a truly religious course of life may be prepared to meet that King of Terrors; may the memory of her virtues always excite in me a love of that which is good and virtuous, and may I endeavor to copy the many excellencies she was undoubtedly possessed of; therefore I may justly say with the incomparable Mr Young: “Let them who have ever lost an angel pity me.”

We dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. My friend George Richardson came to advise me in the evening, and stayed with me all night, and both of us lodged at Master Durrant’s. Dame Durrant and Bett Mepham stayed with my servants.

In the morning my father Slater came to see me and to condole and sympathize with me in my misfortunes, a thing truly humane and friendly, and he with my worthy friend George Richardson stayed and breakfasted with me and then went away.

I rode with my father Slater in his road home as far as Framfield, but did not stay. I dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. In the afternoon rode to Lewes, drank tea with Mr Madgwick and came home about 8:20…

I dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner, with the addition of a hog’s cheek boiled and gooseberry pudding. Oh, how melancholy my situation. Not a friend to pour that pleasing balm of consolation into a heart overwhelmed with grief, no, nor one enlivening object gains admittance in my distracted breast. There, oh, there is naught but melancholy and pensive sadness! What can give pleasure or present one pleasing idea to my mind since she for whom I lived and in whom I centered all earthly happiness is now no more? Oh could I forever sing her praise and describe her virtues, it would be a task (though pleasing to my mind) for beyond the reach of my understanding. But let me call home my wandering thoughts and reflect that man, poor frail and mortal man, is born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards; then why should I who am a vile and sinful creature be exempt from that which our whole race is subject to? No, rather let me rejoice and give thanks, that Providence directs all things with infinite goodness and wisdom, for the Lord will not forsake forever, but though he send affliction, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. For he does not punish willingly nor afflict the children of men.

My brother came over in the forenoon and cut me out a few linings. We dined on the remains of yesterday’s dinner. At home all day; lodged in at Dame Durrant’s. Dame Durrant and Betty Mepham stayed with my servants. Ah, how melancholy my situation; but may I make a right use of my trouble. M[a]y I forever labor to obtain a religious temper of mind.

Rec’d of Joseph Fuller 1 forequarter of lamb weighing 12½ lbs.

In the forenoon my brothers Moses, William and Richard came to my house, and they, together with my brother and father Slater and Dame Durrant, dined with us on a cold forequarter of lamb roasted in the oven.

Yesterday about 5:50 I buried my wife at Framfield, and with her all my hopes of worldly happiness. I am now destitute of a friend to converse with or even a sincere friend on whom I can rely for advice now I have lost the dear dear partner of my soul, with whom I could repose such confidence that I never concealed from her the most minutest circumstance of my affairs, but always found comfort in the disburdening my mind to her where it was almost even overloaded with trouble. To describe or estimate my loss is more than I can do, but still let me usurp the reins of reason and think that as everything is guided by infinite power and fondness so must it consequently be by infinite wisdom; therefore let me conclude that whatever is directed by providence is best for me and may I, oh, may I forever be benefited by this fatal blow. Alas, I have now seen part of myself seized upon by death, relentless death; therefore may I always be careful to make my calling an election sure, through the merits and intercession of my blessed savior.

In the morning my sister Sally and brother William came to see me, and they together with both my servants were at church in the morning… My brother and sister dined with me on the remains of yesterday’s dinner, and they, with myself and servants, at church in the afternoon… My sister stayed and drank tea with us and then went home. My brother stayed all night. How heavy does my trouble hang; almost so great is it that my spirit is quite sunk within me.

My brother stayed and breakfasted with me and then went away. I balanced accounts with him… In the afternoon rode out to collect in some debts, but could not get any… In the evening wrote my London letters. Bett Mepham lodged with my servants and I lodged in at Joseph Durrant’s.

…Bett Mepham drank tea with us, and I paid her 5/- in full for attending my wife and laying her out etc., and she and Thomas Davy lodged at our house…

…This day I was informed of the ill-natured and cruel treatment I have privately received from malevolent tongues, who have made, propagated and spread with indefatigable industry and diligence a report that Mr Snelling at my request (and by force) castrated my wife, which operation was the immediate cause of her death. With such amazing swiftness is the report spread that there is hardly a child of four years old or an old woman of four score within ten miles of the place but has it at their tongue’s and, and even so credulous [are they] as to give sanction to it; that is, if they do not directly believe it they will by no means let it die with them, but still continue to circulate it about, so vile and envious is man to man.

Now from what occasion this palpable falsehood could take its rise I am quite at a loss to guess as to my own part I know myself thoroughly innocent, therefore I defy and despise the malice of the vulgar multitude and if I know my own heart I sincerely forgive them; neither have I in the least any anger against them for it. No, I have not, for as ignorance undoubtedly is the mother of credulity I must ever think they deserve my pity; and, as to love and respect for my deceased wife, I want no other testimony than my own conscience, which I am sure sings peace in that affair, but however, though I have that which is beyond anything in the world besides to me, so am I not destitute of other evidence: I have even that of my wife’s own handwriting, wherein she says she wants words to express her gratitude to me for my care etc. for her. I have the witness of all about my wife during her illness; therefore I am not in the least moved with anger, though I must own I am as it were astonished to think that I can have any enemy so malicious as to propagate such a falsehood, for I can justly say there is not a person in the parish but has received favors at my hands, and many of them a great many; as to all my relations in general, I am sure they have sufficiently tasted of my munificence. Therefore I should have thought it a thing impossible to have been used so inhumanly and I think nothing can show more what a set of poor ignorant people I am placed among than this, for ‘em to give credit to a thing which I presume cannot be done without instantaneous death, for in taking out the uterus undoubtedly the spermatic vessels must be cut, and I cannot conceive how there is to be ligature made on the arteries, but that the person must forthwith bleed to death, or at least it is such an operation as I never read or heard of. Say I, oh, may I never think of ill, or any ways be angry at such false reports. No, let me rather bear them with joyfulness, for there is undoubtedly an over-ruling providence that orders everything according to infinite wisdom…

Joseph Fuller stayed and smoked a pipe with me. Thomas Davy lodged at my house. At home all day and posted part of my day book.

Made part of the land and window tax books… Thomas Davy lodged with me and to my great surprise informed me that he was shortly to be married to the widow Virgoe. Oh, I doubt he is guilty of not acting the part of an honest man, for he has kept my late servant Mary Martin company I dare say 3 or 4 years.